How Much Does It Cost to Get Married in Northern Ireland? Registrar or Celebrant?

If you have looked at the cost of getting married at a registry office and then looked at the fee for a legal celebrant, you might quite reasonably ask:

Why would I pay £750 for a celebrant when a registrar is cheaper?

And the answer is actually very simple.

They are completely different services.

There is nothing wrong with choosing a registrar. In fact, for some couples it will be exactly the right choice.

You might not particularly enjoy being the centre of attention. You might want something short and sweet. You might simply want to stand together, make that commitment, get legally married and get on with celebrating.

That is perfect.

It is your wedding.

But it is different from the experience I provide when a couple books me for a fully personalised legal wedding ceremony.

What does a registrar actually provide?

I think it is important to be fair about this, because registry office weddings sometimes get portrayed as though you walk in, sign a piece of paper and walk straight back out again.

That is not necessarily the case.

Official Northern Ireland guidance says a civil ceremony can include music, poetry, the exchange of rings and flowers, although nothing religious can form part of the civil ceremony. A typical registrar led ceremony lasts around 10 to 15 minutes.

And different councils can offer additional choices.

For example, Fermanagh and Omagh's published civil ceremony format allows couples to include family members, readings, personal vows, rings, music and other optional elements.

So a registrar led ceremony can absolutely be lovely.

What it generally is not designed to be is months of somebody getting to know you, writing your story, guiding you through every element and building the entire ceremony around who you are.

And that is where the difference begins.

Am I really charging £750 for thirty minutes?

No.

Because it is not thirty minutes.

If all I was providing was thirty minutes of my time on the day, then £200 would be more than adequate.

What a couple is paying me for is everything else that goes into those thirty minutes.

From the minute they book me, I am keeping an eye on their ceremony.

I deliberately limit the number of weddings I take each year because I want to have the time to do that properly.

There is a full process behind it.

There are check ins.

There are reminders.

There are meetings.

There are Zoom calls.

I will travel to meet my couples.

I guide them through the legal process and make sure they understand the Marriage Notice forms and, importantly, the Marriage Schedule.

I keep an eye on where we are in the planning process.

And sometimes I become something very close to their personal PA.

That is part of what they are paying for.

Most couples have never done this before

That sounds ridiculously obvious, but it is probably one of the most important parts of my job.

My couples have generally never planned a wedding ceremony before.

Why would they know where to begin?

I have spent more than twenty years working in hospitality and weddings, so when I look at a wedding ceremony I do not just see the words being spoken at the front.

I see the whole thing.

I am looking at the timings.

Where are the guests?

Is the photographer ready?

Who has the rings?

Where are the children?

Does Granny need a little more time getting to her seat?

Is the music ready?

Who is walking with whom?

Where does everybody stand?

What happens immediately after the ceremony?

How does this fit with the drinks reception and the rest of the wedding day?

I will check in with the other suppliers and the venue team and make sure everything is flowing.

Some venues will very much have that under control themselves, and I know when not to overstep the mark.

That is part of experience too.

My job is simply to make sure that the ceremony runs as it should and that my couple do not have to worry about it.

Then there is the actual ceremony

The writing is only part of creating a personal ceremony.

The biggest part is the conversation before I write a word.

My story call with a couple can easily last an hour and a half.

We talk.

I listen.

And I mean properly listen.

You learn as much from watching two people speak to each other as you do from the actual story.

Someone says something lovely and you see the way their partner looks at them.

One remembers something completely differently from the other.

A throwaway comment suddenly tells you everything about their relationship.

That is the material.

When I sit down afterwards to write the ceremony, I am trying to take their words, their humour and their relationship and put it into something that sounds like them.

I do not want it to become flowery just because it is a wedding.

Unless, of course, flowery is exactly what they want.

For most of my couples it is not.

They want it to feel real.

They want a laugh.

They want some emotion.

Most importantly, they want to recognise themselves in it.

It is never my script

I am quite opinionated about this.

The ceremony should never be about me.

I never want people leaving thinking, “What a performance from the celebrant.”

I want them leaving thinking:

“That was completely them.”

It is their script.

My job is to be their narrator.

That distinction matters enormously to me.

The couple also has complete control over what ultimately gets said.

I once created a ceremony that was incredibly personal. The couple loved it. It had them in tears when they read it.

And then they removed a lot of it.

They simply did not want to share that part of themselves with everybody sitting in the room.

That was absolutely fine.

A personalised ceremony does not mean you have to tell 150 people everything about yourselves.

Sometimes the most personal choice is deciding what remains private.

Family makes ceremonies real

Some of my favourite moments have very little to do with anything I say.

An eight year old niece comes up to read a poem.

She is not a professional speaker.

She might mumble.

She might lose her place.

She might get nervous and need a little help from me.

And do you know what?

That can become the moment everybody remembers.

Because it is real.

The same applies to parents doing readings, grandparents taking part, children being involved, a family quaich, handfasting, ring warming or remembering somebody who should have been there.

Their voices and their words will always be more important than anything clever I could write.

That is family.

That is what gives a ceremony its warmth.

What about religion and family traditions?

My legal ceremonies are belief ceremonies, but that does not mean I want to strip somebody's family identity out of their wedding.

Quite the opposite.

I grew up in an environment where religion often dictated what could and could not be included.

My approach is that everybody is welcome.

My part of the ceremony will always comply with the legal requirements of the marriage I am conducting.

But if a parent, grandparent or family member has a cultural or religious tradition that means something to the couple, I am very happy to discuss how family can participate appropriately.

This is their ceremony.

It should reflect the people they love as well as the two people standing in front of me.

But what if we really do just want to get married?

Then tell me.

My answer will probably be:

No problem. Let us do this.

Not everybody wants the story.

Not everybody wants thirty or forty minutes.

Not everybody wants a room full of guests.

And I do not believe somebody should have to buy my full £750 service when that is not what they want.

There is another option I am developing for exactly that reason.

I have a fairly large, very private garden at my home. It is around half an acre, with trees, flowers and a sheltered area should the Northern Irish weather decide to remind us where we live.

At the moment I would keep these ceremonies very small, probably no more than around ten guests.

Bring your two witnesses.

Bring your photographer.

Bring the dog.

I will have the chairs.

And because I spent more than twenty years in hospitality, I can hardly marry you and send you straight out through the gate afterwards.

There will be a glass of Champagne or sparkling wine waiting for you.

If you do not drink, we will get the tea on and have a few scones instead.

I have standards.

A registered belief officiant can, with the necessary arrangements in place, conduct a belief marriage anywhere in Northern Ireland.

So why not a garden?

What would a simple garden ceremony cost?

I am considering offering these small legal ceremonies at a fee in line with the cost of a straightforward ceremony through the local council, depending on the date and requirements.

That is deliberately not the same service as my £750 bespoke ceremony.

This would be for the couple who says:

“We just want to get married. No fuss.”

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

There would still be care.

There would still be warmth.

There would still be a proper wedding ceremony.

But there would not be months of bespoke ceremony development, lengthy story meetings and a completely individual script.

You are paying for a different service because you are asking me to provide a different service.

So why does the full ceremony cost £750?

Because time has a value.

And I think time is incredibly precious.

It is actually one of the reasons I left hospitality.

I loved my career, but it consumed an enormous amount of my time.

When I became self employed, I made a conscious decision that I would limit how many weddings I take.

Partly because I want a life too.

I want time with my own family.

But also because if somebody trusts me with their wedding ceremony, I want to have enough time to give it the attention it deserves.

That means that when something occurs to me about your ceremony while I am driving, I think about it.

If I come across a poem that immediately makes me think of you, I save it.

If we need another conversation, we have one.

It means replying to the late night voice note when somebody is starting to panic.

I have even taken a call at two o'clock in the morning.

I am not suggesting everyone starts ringing me at 2 am, by the way.

But sometimes weddings get overwhelming.

That does not particularly frighten me.

I have spent most of my working life dealing with weddings, events and people.

I am generally the calm in the storm.

And couples are paying for some of that too.

There is no right way to get married

A registry office marriage can be beautiful.

A ten minute civil ceremony can be exactly right.

A tiny legal ceremony in a garden can be exactly right.

A thirty or forty minute ceremony filled with your story, family, laughter and traditions can be exactly right.

There are also lots of excellent celebrants across Northern Ireland.

Speak to them.

Find the person who suits your personality, what you want from your ceremony and your budget.

Because there really is not one correct version of a wedding ceremony.

There is only the one that is right for you.

And amongst all the planning, prices, dresses, flowers, venues, photographers, table plans and everything else that comes with organising a wedding, try not to lose sight of why you are doing any of it.

You are doing this because you love your person.

That is why you are getting married.

For nobody else.

Find the right person to marry you, choose the ceremony that feels right for the two of you, and do not lose sight of the reason any of this is happening in the first place.

Love.